What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:54
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
How would you describe modern day Russian society, beyond just politics?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But it wasn’t much.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I don,t even have a pension.
Doctors Find They Can Detect Cancer in Blood Years Before Diagnosis - futurism.com
Where the ultimate outsiders.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What are some reasons why some men choose to live alone instead of getting married?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was scared of men, in general
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Can I know a love story of a medical student?
She was in good health!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So whats the point in blame.
And i lived it daily.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Fed interest rate decision looms as battle over cuts takes surprising turn - TheStreet
She wouldn,t have been !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I will be 64.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was 9 years of age.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So, i spoilt her more .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What did i know ?
She married twice! .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We were not on the streets..
(And it was in our own minds.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But, we were locked up after school.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was seconnd youngest,
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Comes on , in middle age.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I write beautiful poetry .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One cannot live in the past .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Put me off passion for life!!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I said to her
He knew the spot.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She loved him until the end.
I waited trembling.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Would this be the day?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My life is so biszare .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My family never makes their pension either.
I was very sick at this time too.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Ive learnt so much.
This is soul school!.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
When she asked me how she looked .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
All the time i was locked up.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I have no regrets .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
It was going to be , some day.
I never cut or harmed myself..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We all went to grammer schools
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She found it foreign!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Who then, do I blame.?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .